It has been two years since my last blog post and in some ways, I can’t believe time has passed so quickly. Yet also my landscape has shifted significantly both internally and externally. Most notably moving out of London last summer, where I was born and raised, to the Calder Valley in wild West Yorkshire.

I had just turned forty in my last offering and with that has come a new stage of self-actualisation and realisation. I use the word client for the people I work with as that is the professional term, but really we are fellow travellers on this path of life. I often say to my fellow travellers, the healing journey never stops and nor should it. It deepens and unravels, much like a Russian doll we are multi layered and fractal in our human forms.

So, I have entered a new stage in my life and healing path. Each chapter and era of our lives comes with a different tone, flavour and set of lessons. In our modern Western world, we have often lost a community of elders to guide us coherently though each stage and initiation. In hindsight I can see that absence is what drew me to youth work before becoming a therapist. It is what I both needed when I was younger and wanted to offer. It helped me to make sense of my own inner turmoil to step into this role and experience the sage within. I have been fortunate to have many wise and compassionate guides and elders on my path in the form of therapists and healers of many different kinds. They have all guided and supported me to find my inner parent and elder. I am deeply grateful for this fortune, and it has enabled me to take this role for others, which is a great privilege.

I believe that should be the role of all skilled councillors, therapists and healers, to facilitate our fellow travellers to find their own inner guides and compass. We all have this within us, even if it appears to be hidden or absent. In my last blog post I wrote about Internal Family Systems and using the terminology from this model we would call this our Self energy.

I am aware this is a more personal share than my previous ones and perhaps that is a sign of me softening. I have less ‘managers’ in their guarded and defended roles, which is a fundamental part of moving into wellness. I also feel that in appropriate ways it humanises me as the practitioner, which to me is important to the healing work I offer. That is why I have always been drawn to the Humanistic approach as the basis for my practice. Within this there is the deep held belief that the client (rather than patient) has all the tools they need within them to self-actualise, they are the expert. The therapist’s role is to create the conditions and container in which for them to grow, grapple and play with such a possibility.

So how does this link to the theme of transitions? I feel it to be at the heart of healthily navigating transitions so that we may feel empowered and emboldened on the other side. Rather than what more typically occurs in our culture and we are often left feeling, confused, adrift and depleted.

Moving into my forties has been a significant initiation, asking me what I truly want from life and as I step out of my youth it reminds me that I am not immortal. A big theme, which I often speak about in sessions is having a deeper connection to nature and the natural rhythms and through that to ourselves. I wanted to create an environment to deepen into that and be closer to the natural world. It was a bold leap but one that my Self felt ready to make, having found a sense of security within I was able to be courageous. This is essential to the work as the more securely attached we become within ourselves the braver and bolder we can become, moving beyond our distorting limitations. Gradually we are led more by curiosity than fear. The other aspect of this scene change for me has been about creativity and connection and creating more space for both. I want to be clear that none of this comes easily and for me personally this transition has been decades in the making. The small incremental changes are the essential paving stones to what at times become visible quantum leaps. And these are often missed and not honoured as we live our way into a new landscape, with what can at times feel like a glacial pace.

But that’s the thing about healing, it is gradual and it needs to be. No sweet fruit comes through rush and urgency; nature doesn’t work at that pace. Yet our modern world has trained us into believing this is the natural way, often fuelling a sense of inadequacy and lack. Because resources are so stretched in healthcare and especially for mental health, this belief has also been entrenched in some therapy models and interventions. Where people in need of complex emotional support are offered six sessions of CBT and expected to be ready to 'crack on'. This is not realistic and can be damaging to the psyche. Although there is a growing awareness around mental health there is still a long held and latent ‘keep calm and carry on’ mantra entrenched in British culture.

And as I wrote about in my first blog post sometimes, we can’t carry on and we break down. These crises are often what lead people to therapy and are a profound opportunity to repattern and re-route. These are the junctures, crossroads and transitions that we need guidance with to become integrated and healthy travellers. We have recently started a new Gregorian year and last week slithered out of the Chinese year of the wood snake and into the fire horse. I feel there has been a lot of personal and collective shedding this past year and this can be a period of reflection and questioning our next steps as we reach the end of winter and smell the stirrings of spring in the air.

In my next post I will be asking how grief is another essential aspect of working with transitions and looking at how unblocking and titrating grief can provide the life bringing waters we need for growth. In the meantime, it is good to share with you again and I wish you much courage and softness as you feel into your heart’s dreaming’s for this year and season ahead.

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